Nice to meet you.
My name is Joyce Schafers and I'd like to thank you for stopping by my site. Because you're here, I think I can safely assume that you're struggling in your relationship. First off, let me say, I know what that's like and it can be a pretty scary and overwhelming position to be in ~ especially when we don't know what to do next. I'd like to also say, that it doesn't have to stay that way.
I hope by visiting my site you get enough information to decide if working with me is something that would really benefit you right now, or not. Getting the right help, at the right time, can make a world of difference.
In terms of my experience and training, I am a certified Life Skills Coach and one the co-creators of the counselling model I use with my clients in my coaching practice. It's a special form of counselling that is solution-oriented and modelled after the principles taught in A Course in Miracles and the NewStart Adult Education Training Method taught in the Life Management Skills Leadership program.
You can learn more about my counselling model and The Cycle of Emotional Paine here, but first let me tell you why I think I can help you with your relationship challenges.
A philosopher at heart, I've spent my entire adult life fascinated with the inner workings of the human psyche. In my quiet moments, my thoughts inevitably landed on ideas about my spirituality, my emotional make-up, and the negative patterns I continually found myself in. Satisfying my insatiable appetite to answer the question Why am I still stuck here? was the driver behind everything I've learned, to date.
My most challenging pattern to overcome - the basis of my work - has been in the area of my intimate relationships. In every significant intimate relationship I have ever had (except for the one I am in today, thankfully) I continually found myself rejected, having been left for another woman. And as much as I wanted to blame the men in the scenario, I knew better. I knew that even though they had their part in the breakdown of our relationship, I couldn't ignore the glaring and obvious fact that I was the common denominator in the equation ~ in each relationship.
It was clear that unresolved issues within me were wreaking havoc in my life and playing a huge part in perpetuating an emotionally damaging pattern. In the darkest and most devastating moments of my separation from my ex-husband, a mantra was born that changed everything. My mantra was: Show me what I need to see.
Prior to that moment, I was a diligent student of A Course in Miracles, had worked as a Life Skills Coach delivering personal and professional development workshops, was a self-published children's book author with a moderately successful best selling book under my belt and was continually striving to evolve spiritually, emotionally and professionally. My marriage had troubles, but I genuinely thought I had overcome my relationship pattern - I was a pretty conscious and aware woman after all. I had no idea just how much more I had to learn.
As it turns out, there was a whole other aspect to my pattern that I wasn't even aware of (this is where The Cycle of Emotional Pain comes in) and what I hadn't realized was just how much my unresolved emotional pain was impacting how I showed up in my relationships and in my life, in general. Unmet emotional needs and the attachments they create were at the root of my relationship pattern (and at the root of every other person's relationship pattern that I have ever worked with, for that matter).
I don't know if I can ever express, well enough, how empowering it has been to break my own Cycle of Emotional Pain or describe how much it has changed my life. I have been working on myself and on my issues for my entire adult life and finally understanding how my emotional pain from the past was destroying my relationships and using that wisdom to end my pattern, is the most empowering thing I've ever done. It feels like finding the missing piece to a cherished puzzle that has been worked on, laboured over, cared for and loved, for a lifetime.
And the thing that always fascinates me is that I have always been able to apply The Cycle of Emotional Pain to each couple I have worked with. It is always the same: the unmet emotional needs of the two parties, their attachment issues and the dynamic born out of those conditions is always present, waiting to be discovered and healed ~ like a blueprint for a house waiting to be built, lived in and turned into a loving home.
Breaking The Cycle of Emotional Pain isn't a complicated process - it's actually quite simple but you'll never catch me saying it's easy ~ especially in the beginning. It can push us to feel things we may not want to feel, admit things that may be a little tough to admit and ask us to tweak how we show up in our relationships. But it's definitely a simple and do-able approach that is so worth the effort if you want to end the negative patters you continually find yourself in.
Maybe I can help you.
I believe we all have a certain degree of unresolved emotional pain from the past that impacts our relationships and is responsible for the negative patterns we find ourselves in. I can help you connect the dots between your past and your negative patterns so you can start working at breaking those hurtful patterns.
I believe there is a systematic 'order' to the difficult dynamic playing out between you and your partner. I can help you understand how your unresolved emotional pain has contributed to that difficult dynamic. With that awareness, my goal is to help you take pressure off your relationship, restore the peace and help create a more supportive, loving, joyful and connected relationship.
I believe, when we are ready, life-changing insight can happen in a heartbeat. I've experienced it and I've helped make it happen and if you're ready, it can happen for you too.
I believe that sometimes we can be so deep in our issue that we can't "see the forest for the trees" and it's those times that getting support from an experienced outsider gives far more relief, insight and progress, than going it alone. If getting support through this difficult time is something you want, I'd feel honoured to help you.
Want to learn more?
Or, if you missed it, you may want to take advantage of the free phone consultation I offer. As mentioned on my Home Page, it's important that you're feeling completely comfortable and confident in your decision to work with me.
The goal of the free phone consultation is to:
give you more details about the program and the counselling model I use,
help you understand how you and your relationship will benefit from my program,
help you get a feel for me so you can decide if you're comfortable working with me, or not
give you a chance to ask any questions you may have.
If you're interested, send me an email to arrange a time for us to chat.